Once I was given a clean bill of health, the doctor told me, "You're out of the jungle but you're in the woods." I went home and I was cured and nobody wanted to hear about cancer anymore. I wasn't supposed to say the word or even think about it. I pretended along with everyone else that I never had cancer and that way everything was okay. —Derek, 29-year-old Hodgkin's disease survivor.
It is common for family members and friends to react with uncertainty to your new status as a survivor. They may have pulled away from you as a self-protective mechanism during your diagnosis and treatment. Those close to you probably prepared themselves emotionally for the possibility of your death. This process of distancing—therapists call it anticipatory grief—is understandable. But once you recover, loved ones realize an incorrect assumption has been made, so expectations have to be adjusted. This reaction is called the Lazarus syndrome, named for the biblical figure who rose from the dead.
Once you are past the acute stage of the illness, family members and friends may feel it is safe to allow their suppressed emotions to surface. Guilt, resentment, anger, denial and fear are often by-products of the crisis brought about by cancer. As a survivor, you have to encourage honest and open expression so that bonds can be re-established.
Keep in mind that how a family has dealt with a crisis in the past is a good indicator of how that family will deal with a cancer illness. Also bear in mind that cancer is a family event, that cancer changes all relationships and, especially, that change can be positive.
The following suggestions will help you mend any ties that might have been damaged.
